Number your four
Read out your four requests. The class numbers each one 1 to 8 from the gradient, and then says who was asking whom.
Look for the pattern: the number goes up when the relationship is more distant or the ask is bigger.
Eight small words that soften a request. Match each to what it actually does.
Four conversations
The same underlying request, four settings
A · In a café, to a waiter: "Sorry — could we just get another glass of water when you have a moment? Thanks so much."
B · To a flatmate: "Hey, can you grab me a water while you’re up?"
C · At a doctor’s reception, about an earlier appointment: "I was wondering whether there might be anything earlier. I know it’s short notice."
D · On the phone to an airline, about a refund: "I appreciate this probably isn’t your decision, but I’d be grateful if you could tell me who I need to speak to. I’ve been passed on three times now."
Seven statements. Decide which conversation each is true of. A conversation may be the answer more than once.
A Café
B Flatmate
C Doctor’s reception
D Airline
1. Uses no modal of politeness at all, and is entirely appropriate.
2. Acknowledges in advance that the person being asked may not have the power to help.
3. Apologises for the timing of the request before making it.
4. States a fact that is a complaint, without complaining.
5. Uses two softeners to make a very small request smaller still.
6. Is the only one that would be rude in any of the other three settings.
7. Uses the highest level on the gradient of the four.
Say these aloud and listen to the modal. In a genuine request the modal is unstressed and the voice rises at the end.
Could you open the window? — modal weak /kəd/, rising at the end. A request.
COULD you open the window. — modal stressed, falling at the end. An order, and an annoyed one.
This is the one place tone does matter in English, and it works the opposite way round from what you would expect: stressing the polite word makes it impolite.
What decides the level
Three things push the level up
| Factor | Low level when | High level when |
|---|---|---|
| Size of the ask | A glass of water | Two weeks of somebody’s time |
| Distance | A flatmate, a sibling | A stranger, a professional, somebody senior |
| Right to ask | It is their job and they are not busy | You are asking for a favour or an exception |
| All three low | Level 2–3: Can you grab me…? | |
| All three high | Level 7–8: I don’t suppose… |
Four lines have been removed from this phone call. Put each back where the level fits.
Good afternoon — I hope you can help me. I booked a room for the fourteenth and I have just been told the hotel is closed for refurbishment that week. [1]
I understand these things happen. [2] I do have a wedding to get to on the fifteenth, so I cannot easily move the dates.
[3] If there is anything within about a mile I would be very grateful.
And if that is not possible, [4] I would rather know now than in ten days.
Same request, different person
One to six words per gap. The person and the size of the ask decide the level.
To your brother, about the remote control: " pass me that?" To a colleague you know well, about a small favour: " keep an eye on my desk for ten minutes?" To a manager, about leaving early on Friday: " leave a bit early on Friday, if that is all right?" To a stranger at a station, about their charger: " bother you — borrow that for two minutes?" And to a landlord, about a month’s extension: " able to give us until the end of April."
Six situations. Match each to the level that fits it.
One request, four people
Task card · Speaking · Groups of three · 4 minutes each
You need somebody to look after your flat for a weekend. You are going to ask four different people.
The same request four times, at four different levels, in the right order.
- Ask a sibling, a close friend, a colleague you like, and a neighbour you barely know.
- Each version must be longer than the last, and must use a different softener.
- The other two in your group number each version 1 to 8.
- If any two versions get the same number, do that pair again.
Then reverse it. One person makes a level-8 request to a sibling and a level-2 request to a stranger. Everybody notices how wrong both feel.
Over-politeness is a mismatch too. It reads as anxious, or as sarcasm.
From the four askings
Five requests from the task. Fix each.
1. Would you mind to look after my flat?
2. I don’t suppose you could pass the salt, could you? — to your sister
3. I was wondering if you can feed the cat.
4. Sorry for bother you.
5. Do you mind if I will leave early?
Three things decide it
Two questions.
1. What pushes a request up the gradient?
2. You stress the word could and let your voice fall. What have you said?
Before next lesson. Write down six things you have genuinely needed to ask somebody for in the last month, and who you asked.
Next lesson we build the gradient properly, including the obligation modals — and one of them is a threat that most learners use as ordinary advice.