Who, in one sentence
Say who you chose and how you know them. One sentence. Then say the single adjective you would use if you were only allowed one.
One decision before you write.
1. A hundred and forty words. How many adjectives should that hold?
A model, and the rubric
Model — 138 words
She was my manager for four years, in my first proper job. She is about sixty now — small, very neat, the sort of person whose desk has three things on it.
She is extremely direct. If she thought something was bad she said so, in the meeting, in front of everybody. I found that terrifying for six months and then I found it restful, because I never had to guess.
In my second week I sent a client a report with the wrong figures in it. She did not shout. She sat down next to me, we found every error together, and it took four hours. She never mentioned it again.
She is much more patient than she seems, and far less interested in being liked than anyone I have worked with since. I am not as direct as she is. I would like to be.
The rubric — four criteria
| Criterion | What it means | Weight |
|---|---|---|
| Evidence | Every adjective followed by something concrete | 30% |
| Comparison | At least three comparatives and one as … as | 25% |
| Adjective accuracy | In front of the noun, in the right order, right word | 25% |
| Length | 130–150 words, counted and written at the bottom | 20% |
Compare the written model with Pia's spoken version in Lesson 5.
1. What happened to the section headings — Who and how I know her?
2. The final line is I would like to be. Four words. Why keep it?
3. How many adjectives does the model use for the manager?
4. The longest paragraph is the report story. How many adjectives does it contain?
Spoken portrait → written portrait
What changes
| Spoken | Written | Why |
|---|---|---|
| What she is like… | a new paragraph | Paragraphs signal sections on a page |
| you know · sort of · I mean | — (cut) | Fillers do not survive writing |
| and… and… and… | and · but · because · which | Written English varies its joins |
| She was really, really direct. | She is extremely direct. | Repetition becomes one strong adverb |
| She was nice about it. | She did not shout. | Judgement becomes fact |
| Anyway, so… | — (cut) | Only speech needs to get back on track |
Match each spoken feature to what happens to it in 140 written words.
A hundred and forty words is about nine sentences. Four paragraphs of two, roughly. You cannot fit everything about a person you know well, so what you leave out is part of what is assessed.
Tighten four sentences
Four sentences that state instead of showing. Rewrite each as something a reader could picture.
1. He was very generous.
2. She was really patient with me.
3. He is very disorganised.
4. She was nice about my mistake.
One word per gap. This is the model's last paragraph, gapped — comparatives and joining words.
She is much patient she seems, and less interested in being liked anyone I have worked with since. I am not direct she is. I would like to be.
Write it, swap it, guess
Task card · Writing and speaking
A 140-word portrait of someone important. Then someone else reads it.
Four paragraphs, 130–150 words. Then your reader guesses three things about the person from your words alone.
- Write (12 min). Who they are; what they are like; one story; what you took from them. No names.
- Proofread (3 min). Start with the one error you chose at the end of Lesson 6. Then count the words and write the number at the bottom.
- Swap (2 min). Read your partner's portrait once, carefully.
- Guess (3 min). Say three things about their person that they never wrote — their age, their job, how the writer feels about them. Then find out how close you were.
Proofreading checklist. Answer about your own page.
1. How many adjectives have a concrete example after them?
2. Every than — is it spelled with an n?
3. Is every adjective in front of its noun?
What they guessed
Your reader's three guesses are the feedback. Anything they got right, your evidence carried. Anything they could not guess at all is where you labelled instead of showing.
Write their three guesses at the bottom of your page. Next lesson you write the final version.
Answer from what your reader guessed.
1. How many of their three guesses were close?
2. Could they tell how you feel about the person?
3. What did they ask about that you had left out?
Before the unit task
One question.
1. The most vivid paragraph in the model contains how many adjectives?
Before Lesson 8. Keep your draft and your reader's three guesses. Do not rewrite it tonight.
Next lesson you also compare two people out loud, so think of a second person who is genuinely different from the one you wrote about.